Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Saturday, June 2, 2012

On The Night You Were Born

  
On the night you were born
The farmers all smiled in such wonder
As they walked through their fields before the light of morn
To find all their cows had taken a golden crap

Because there had never been anything in the world as wonderful as you...
and there never will be again.
 
So enchanting and magical is your very name
That the wind carried it as a song over all the land
At its hearing the nature of the human soul is changed
So even Grandma managed to keep her opinions about it to herself

 On the night you were born
Everyone in your family came to visit
They marveled at your eyes, your nose, your face, your hair
Not like any they had ever seen before

But they were all very polite, and said you look like Daddy
Because that's just how very, very special you are

 
 
 
 
 
 
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 This is satire. So it's Copyright-legal. Laugh, Nancy Tillman. It's hilarious.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

10 Reasons Why Men Should Not Lead or Teach in Church

I'm so sick and tired of the arguments over men and women's roles in church. Clearly, only women are truly suited for the ministry and leadership. Men need to learn their place, and start acting according to the special unique supportive role for which God made them.

Here's why men should NOT be ordained to the ministry:

10. A man’s place is in the army.

9. The pastoral duties of men who have children might distract them from the responsibility of being a parent.

8. The physique of men indicates that they are more suited to such tasks as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be “unnatural” for them to do ministerial tasks.

7. Man was created before woman, obviously as a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. Their conduct at football and basketball games demonstrates this.

5. Some men are handsome, and this will distract women worshipers.

4. Pastors need to nurture their congregations. But this is not a traditional male role. Throughout history, women have been recognized as not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more fervently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are prone to violence. No really masculine man wants to settle disputes except by fighting about them. Thus they would be poor role models as well as dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. The New Testament tells us that Jesus was betrayed by a man. His lack of faith and ensuing punishment remind us of the subordinated position that all men should take.

1. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep sidewalks, repair the church roof, and perhaps even lead the song service on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the church.

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I'm a pirate.

That's why I stole the above list from this guy. 

But that guy stole it from these folks.

And they stole it from this lady.

And she gives full credit to Dr. David M. Scholer, a former professor at Fuller Theological Seminary.